{"id":6754,"date":"2025-10-15T10:18:19","date_gmt":"2025-10-15T10:18:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/?p=6754"},"modified":"2025-10-15T21:34:05","modified_gmt":"2025-10-15T21:34:05","slug":"i-was-given-news-about-my-baby-then-came-the-awful-silence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/2025\/10\/15\/i-was-given-news-about-my-baby-then-came-the-awful-silence\/","title":{"rendered":"I was given news about my baby \u2013 then came the awful silence"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n\t\t\"Emma<\/a>\t<\/div>
IVF was a long and expensive journey (Picture: Emma Kemsley)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When doctors told me there was nothing they could do to save my baby, I had to make an impossible choice: end our baby\u2019s life, knowing I\u2019d never be pregnant again or continue a pregnancy knowing that my baby would never survive.<\/p>\n

Four years on I still can\u2019t comprehend how I walked into the operating theatre pregnant and left with nothing but silence.<\/p>\n

Losing a baby is devastating in any circumstance<\/a>, but when that loss comes through termination for medical reasons, it becomes something else entirely; a complex, lonely kind of grief that doesn\u2019t quite fit anywhere. <\/p>\n

But, as Baby Loss Awareness Week <\/a>comes to an end, we mustn\u2019t exclude women like me. <\/p>\n

Our loss, our pain, is as valid as anyone\u2019s.<\/p>\n

I first learned that getting pregnant would be a struggle for me when I was 27 when, after a decade of fighting for a diagnosis, I was told that I suffer with severe stage 4 endometriosis <\/a>\u2013 the most advanced stage of the disease which is characterised by deeper growths in the structures of the pelvis and abdomen such as the bowel, bladder, and blood vessels.<\/p>\n

As a result, my organs had been compromised by the disease and my fertility destroyed.<\/p>\n

If I ever wanted to have a baby, IVF would be my only option. It was an overwhelming reality to comprehend, but I still had hope.<\/p>\n

However,<\/strong> when my husband and I started our self-funded fertility journey <\/a>in 2018, when I was 32, it was a struggle from the start.<\/p>\n

For four years we endured round after round of hope, hormones, scans and tears. Each negative pregnancy test<\/a> was another blow emotionally and financially.<\/p>\n

Eventually though, on our sixth cycle, having spent approximately \u00a354,000<\/a>, we saw those two pink lines appear on a test. It was such a shock.<\/p>\n

At first, the pregnancy was relatively easy as I didn\u2019t suffer from morning sickness or fatigue<\/a>, but I remained cautious, never allowing myself to think beyond each week.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"Emma<\/a>\t<\/div>
The shock of seeing the two pink lines was such a surprise but I was wary (Picture: Emma Kemsley)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

That caution led me to get a private scan at 18 weeks – at which the sonographer flagged an issue with the baby\u2019s bladder and advised me to get in touch with my midwife<\/a>.<\/p>\n

After begging the maternity team to give me my 20 week scan early, we learned the devastating news that our baby had Posterior Urethral Valves <\/a>(PUV) \u2013 a rare condition where an obstruction in the urethra makes it difficult for urine to pass from the bladder causing kidney damage and preventing the lungs from developing.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"Emma<\/a>\t<\/div>
I would never be able to get pregnant or carry a baby to term ever again (Picture: Emma Kemsley)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The damage to our baby\u2019s kidneys was so extensive that I was told they wouldn\u2019t survive and that I\u2019d have to make the decision no parent should ever face; to end our baby\u2019s life.<\/p>\n

For me, this decision was made harder by the fact I knew there would be no \u2018next time\u2019, no rainbow baby<\/a>, no second chance. This was it. <\/p>\n

\n

\n\t\t\t\tUnderstanding Endometriosis\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
\n