{"id":3099,"date":"2025-05-20T05:46:39","date_gmt":"2025-05-20T05:46:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/?p=3099"},"modified":"2025-05-21T21:34:10","modified_gmt":"2025-05-21T21:34:10","slug":"i-didnt-know-how-to-react-when-mum-mistook-me-for-her-mother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/2025\/05\/20\/i-didnt-know-how-to-react-when-mum-mistook-me-for-her-mother\/","title":{"rendered":"I didn\u2019t know how to react when Mum mistook me for her mother"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n\t\t\"Diane\t<\/div>
The signs of a problem had been subtle at first. (Picture: Owner supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u2018Hi, Mum\u2019, said a cheery voice as I answered my phone<\/a> in the middle of a bookstore. I froze. Because although I am a mum, it wasn\u2019t either of my children on the other end of the phone. It was my own mother.<\/p>\n

At that moment, with my phone in my hand, I didn\u2019t know how to react. \u2018Go along with it\u2019 is often the advice given when dealing with people who have dementia<\/a>. But should I remind my mum that her own mother died\u202840 years ago and that I am, in fact, her daughter?<\/p>\n

My mum, Diane,\u202fwas one of the first women to get a scholarship to Cambridge University in 1960s. She went on to have a 30-year career as \u2028a producer and director for the BBC<\/a>. Travelling the world to war-torn countries, reporting news and current affairs, she was more comfortable in combats than heels.\u202f<\/p>\n

The first sign<\/a> of a problem came in 2018, with increasing forgetfulness<\/a>. It had been subtle at first: asking the same question twice over dinner.<\/p>\n

Then came heightened anxiety over the smallest things. The woman who once got to an airport to fly across the world with an hour\u2019s notice would call me every few hours to rehash our lunch plans at the caf\u00e9 where we had met 100 times. This annoyed me and I asked myself, \u2018Why is she being so ridiculously needy?\u2019<\/p>\n

It has always been just Mum and me. My grandmother died when my mum was pregnant \u2013 and my dad left at the same time.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"Diane\t<\/div>
It has always been just Mum and me. (Picture: Owner supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Endless googling of \u2018early dementia symptoms<\/a>\u2019 led to the conclusion that a visit to the GP was in order. The first step was a blood test to rule out any deficiencies \u2013 thyroid, vitamin B12, anaemia \u2013 that can change someone\u2019s mental state.<\/p>\n

Next was a referral to the memory clinic where Mum had comprehensive neuropsychological testing. And finally, a brain scan.<\/p>\n

Then, in 2018, came the devastating diagnosis: at the age of 72, Mum had Alzheimer\u2019s, the most common type of dementia<\/a>. We attended the appointment together. I recall her being quiet for\u2028a while and then saying, \u2018Oh well, at least we can start rewatching our Jonathan Creek boxset \u2013 I clearly won\u2019t remember any of the endings!\u2019<\/p>\n

I felt a range of emotions: relief that there was something wrong, anger that this was happening to us, and scared for what the future held. Would Mum ever meet grandchildren and be at my wedding? How long until she\u2019d no longer know who I was<\/a>?<\/p>\n

In the first couple of years, the progression was slow. Then Covid hit<\/a>. I guess we\u2019ll never know if the isolation directly affected Mum\u2019s health, but enough studies have been done to show that being isolated and unoccupied can lead to faster progression.<\/p>\n

Visiting the flat of my once house-proud mum after not being able to do so for a few months during lockdown was shocking. Piles of rubbish, a fridge full of rotting food, cat poo on the carpet. My guilt was overwhelming: the woman who had raised me single-handedly really needed me \u2013 and I had let her down. <\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"Diane\t<\/div>
My mum, Diane, travelled the world to war-torn countries, reporting news and current affairs. (Picture: Owner supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

We relocated Mum to around the corner from our home and I fell into a carer role. I took over all life admin: shopping, cleaning, bills. Luckily I\u2019d applied for power of attorney<\/a> while Mum was still of sound mind. That\u2019s something I highly recommend doing when caring for a loved one because the process is more complicated further down the line. It\u2019s part of the advice given by Alzheimer\u2019s Society, too.<\/p>\n

Time-confusion is a common symptom of dementia<\/a> but tools are available to help. Mum\u2019s flat featured two dementia clocks that simplify time by writing it out \u2013 \u2018three in the morning\u2019 etc. A toddler clock at the front door stated \u2018red means night, green means day\u2019 and sensors on doors alerted my phone whenever they opened and closed.<\/p>\n

I urge anyone in a similar position to reach out for help. From gadgets to coping techniques, Alzheimer\u2019s Society has so much advice. The earlier the diagnosis, the better it is for all concerned. <\/p>\n

It hasn\u2019t been all doom and gloom, though. As Mum regresses into a childlike state, the simplest of things bring her happiness: the blossom on \u2028a tree, a good cup of tea, dancing to a busker in the street with my toddler. Pure joy was on her face every time she clocked my baby bump during my second pregnancy. \u2018You\u2019re pregnant!\u2019 she\u2019d exclaim. <\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"Diane\t<\/div>
Diane with her grandson Noah (Picture: Owner supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Now living in a care home<\/a> near me, she\u2019s baking, painting and growing vegetables at an allotment.<\/p>\n

I get to hold Mum\u2019s hand and watch the faces of my children light up when they see her. We\u2019re still making memories I\u2019ll treasure for ever.<\/p>\n

\n

\n\t\t\t\tThe six signs that can indicate dementia\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
\n

About a million people in the UK have dementia and the figure is projected to rise to 1.4million by 2040. Each person experiences dementia in a different way, especially during the early stages.<\/p>\n

Here are six red-flag signs used by Alzheimer\u2019s Society in its online symptoms checklist<\/a> \u2013 endorsed by the Royal College of GPs \u2013 to help people describe their symptoms to their health professional.<\/p>\n

Changes in mood or personality<\/strong>
Nobody is expected to feel positive all the time but if someone starts to become easily irritable, lose interest in things or have extreme highs and lows, this may be a sign of dementia. <\/p>\n

Asking the same question over and over again could also be a sign. If you spot these signs in yourself or a loved one, seek support from a GP or a healthcare professional as soon as you can.<\/p>\n

Memory loss<\/strong>
For someone with dementia, problems with memory and thinking become worse more quickly than they would normally do with age. The decline is noticeable over a period of months rather than years. <\/p>\n

For a doctor to diagnose someone with dementia, their symptoms must have become more frequent and have a significant affect on daily life.<\/p>\n

Difficulty organising thoughts or staying focused<\/strong>
Familiar tasks they\u2019ve done all their lives may start to get more difficult. Someone may also lose the ability to perform tasks in the proper order, such as trying to cook pasta before putting water in the pan. <\/p>\n

Equally, if a person finds they\u2019re making lots of poor decisions \u2013 because they can\u2019t process information in the way they used to or their personality seems to have changed over a few months \u2013 it could be a sign they need to see their GP. <\/p>\n

Asking the same question over and over again could also be a sign. <\/p>\n

Other signs include forgetting the names of common objects and words, and quickly losing the thread of what someone is saying. <\/p>\n

Problems using words or communicating<\/strong>
As people get older, it\u2019s common to have trouble finding the correct word occasionally. Most of the time, this is a normal sign of ageing. <\/p>\n

However, if someone consistently struggles to communicate because they can\u2019t remember commonly used words, or they\u2019re putting words together in a way that doesn\u2019t make sense, this may be a sign that something is wrong.<\/p>\n

Problems with vision<\/strong>
It\u2019s normal for a person\u2019s eyesight not to be as sharp as it was when younger. <\/p>\n

However, if they\u2019re still having issues reading text, even with glasses on, it might be worth telling their GP. <\/p>\n

Some people with dementia have difficulty judging distances or seeing edges, leading to trips or falls. Dementia sometimes causes hallucinations.<\/p>\n

Confusion about where you are or what time it is
<\/strong>If someone finds themselves getting lost in a familiar place or being unable to find their way home, this can be a red flag. <\/p>\n

Some people experience \u2018time shifts\u2019 \u2013 eg they may think they\u2019re living in a previous home.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re worried about yourself or someone close to you, then check your symptoms today using Alzheimer\u2019s Society\u2019s symptom checklist.\u202f <\/p>\n

Visit alzheimers.org.uk\/checklist<\/a> or call their Dementia Support Line on 0333 150 3456<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The signs of a problem had been subtle at first. (Picture: Owner supplied) \u2018Hi, Mum\u2019, said a cheery voice as I answered my phone in the middle of a bookstore. I froze. Because although I am a mum, it wasn\u2019t either of my children on the other end of the phone. It was my own […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3101,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3099"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3099"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3099\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3106,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3099\/revisions\/3106"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3101"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3099"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3099"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3099"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}