{"id":3077,"date":"2025-05-21T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-05-21T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/?p=3077"},"modified":"2025-05-21T21:34:04","modified_gmt":"2025-05-21T21:34:04","slug":"dementia-left-my-dad-lost-angry-and-afraid-music-brought-him-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/2025\/05\/21\/dementia-left-my-dad-lost-angry-and-afraid-music-brought-him-home\/","title":{"rendered":"Dementia left my dad lost, angry and afraid \u2013 music brought him home"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n\t\t\"Pictures\t<\/div>
Simon’s Dad, Ted has always loved to sing (Credits: Howard Walker)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Simon McDermott was washing the dishes after Christmas<\/a> lunch when he realised something was wrong. His dad, Ted, pottered through from the lounge to ask Simon who had bought him the ‘excellent’ Nelson Mandela book he had just unwrapped.<\/p>\n

\u2018That was from me, Dad,\u2019 Simon replied. Two minutes later Ted returned and asked exactly the same question<\/a>. And then he did it again. And again.<\/p>\n

\u2018I thought he was winding me up. Then I had this feeling something wasn\u2019t right,\u2019 Simon, 49, tells Metro<\/strong>. \u2018I didn\u2019t know about dementia<\/a> then, or what was coming down the line.\u2019<\/p>\n

Over the following months, Ted, then 76, became paranoid \u2013 firing out wild accusations that Simon was stealing from him, or that his wife, Linda, was having an affair and that the neighbours had put his beloved records in their shed.<\/p>\n

He used his microphone wires to tie his plants and filled the garden with old washing machines, metal tables and office chairs taken from skips. If Simon tried to move them, Ted would fly into a rage<\/a>. He lashed out at Linda, pulled her from her bed by her hair and ambushed Simon in the night.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"\"\t<\/div>
Ted, Simon and Linda (Picture: Supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u2018Sometimes I\u2019d wake and he\u2019d be in front of me with his arms out,\u2019 recalls Simon. \u2018It was awful. I used to barricade myself in the spare room with my suitcase.\u2019<\/p>\n

By this point Simon was living in London and spending weekends in Blackburn to help his mum with the increasingly frightening episodes.<\/p>\n

\u2018I was terrified. It was like living with a monster,\u2019 he says. <\/p>\n

Ted was never violent when Simon was growing up. He worked in factories by day and was selling out pubs, clubs and other venues performing a repertoire of show tunes, big band songs and Frank Sinatra ballads by night. <\/p>\n

A Butlin\u2019s redcoat in his 30s, Ted became known as the \u2018Songaminute Man\u2019 because of the many songs he could sing by heart. He was a showman with a huge personality and a quirky sense of humour. The soundtrack to Simon\u2019s childhood was his dad\u2028singing loudly in the lounge to his favourite records.<\/p>\n

So when his father became angry and aggressive, Simon insisted Ted see a doctor. After 18 months of tests, in 2013, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s disease \u2013 the most common cause of dementia.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"\"\t<\/div>
Ted in his singing heyday (Picture: Supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u2018At last we knew what it was. But \u2028I didn\u2019t know anything about Alzheimer\u2019s. You couldn\u2019t talk about it <\/a>to Dad,\u2019 explains Simon. \u2018If you even mentioned dementia he\u2019d say, \u201cThere\u2019s nothing wrong with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2018Mum and I were just trying to get through the day and cope with the anger, taking it one day at a time, with cups of tea and biscuits.\u2019 <\/p>\n

Simon was lost and didn\u2019t know how to protect his mum or support his dad. After suffering panic attacks at work, help came from the Dementia Support Line. <\/p>\n

\u2018As soon as the woman answered I burst into tears. She explained that all my dad\u2019s behaviour was due to his own fear \u2013 and that changed everything. \u2028It gave me an understanding of what he was going through. From them I learned how to react better to his anger.\u2019<\/p>\n

He also discovered the healing power of music and the pair started to drive around for hours, singing<\/a> loudly to Ted\u2019s favourite tunes.<\/p>\n

\u2018It calmed him. It turned him from this heavy, angry guy back into his old self. He loved it. You could tell he was completely in the moment, singing away at the top of his voice.\u2019<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"Pictures\t<\/div>
Simon saw the red flags when Ted became forgetful, paranoid and uncharacteristically violent (Credits: Howard Walker)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Simon made a video of Ted singing one of his favourite songs \u2013 Quando, Quando, Quando by EngelbertHumperdinck \u2013 and put it on a Facebook page with a fundraising link for Alzheimer\u2019s Society in 2016. <\/p>\n

The clip went viral and he received thousands of messages. Ted secured a record deal and was given the Pride Of Britain award that year.<\/p>\n

Together the pair have raised about \u00a3175,000 for Alzheimer\u2019s charities and become the inspiration for a Japanese feature film yet to be released. Simon has also written a memoir about his dad and the diagnosis.<\/p>\n

\u2018Alzheimer\u2019s can take away all the light in family life and robs you of all normality. It can be quite dark. You\u2019re losing someone in a long goodbye. But at the same time, it\u2019s not the end of the world. It\u2019s part of life.\u2019 <\/p>\n

There have also been moments of real joy, such as the time Simon took Ted out in London to give Linda a break.<\/p>\n

\u2018I walked him along the\u2028South Bank and he was talking gobbledegook. I took him to the \u2028pub and bought him a drink and he started talking to me like a complete stranger about his wife and son, about how proud of me he \u2028was. We\u2019re not a family to talk like that. It was a gift, very emotional,’ remembers Simon.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"\"\t<\/div>
Ted records his first single with the Guy Barker Orchestra (Picture: Supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u2018On another occasion we were in a pub and Dad wouldn\u2019t sit down. He kept talking to this group of workmen having a pint. He wouldn\u2019t leave them alone. But one of them said, \u201cDon\u2019t worry \u2013 I know exactly what you\u2019re going through,\u201d then took him to the bar and had a drink with him. What a great guy.\u2019<\/p>\n

Ted\u2019s illness has now progressed significantly. He is frail and confused<\/a> and doesn\u2019t always recognise Simon.<\/p>\n

\u2018The main thing is that Dad is happy and safe. If you\u2019re going through the same thing, I want you to know the universe will support you. You\u2019re carrying a heavy burden so don\u2019t be afraid to ask for help \u2013 and there are organisations that can support you.<\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019ve learned so much about Dad, life and myself. It has taught me patience and mental resilience.<\/p>\n

\u2018There are hard days and days when\u2028I know I\u2019ve made a difference. It\u2019s put into perspective what is really important in life.\u2019\u2028<\/p>\n

The Songs That Saved Us: My Dad, Dementia And Me is released in paperback on June 5.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

\n\t\t\t\tWorried about dementia? \t\t\t<\/h2>\n
\n

If you\u2019re worried about yourself or someone close to you, then check your symptoms today using Alzheimer\u2019s Society\u2019s symptom checklist.\u202f<\/p>\n

Visit alzheimers.org.uk\/checklist<\/a> or call their Dementia Support Line on 0333 \u2028150 3456<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Simon’s Dad, Ted has always loved to sing (Credits: Howard Walker) Simon McDermott was washing the dishes after Christmas lunch when he realised something was wrong. His dad, Ted, pottered through from the lounge to ask Simon who had bought him the ‘excellent’ Nelson Mandela book he had just unwrapped. \u2018That was from me, Dad,\u2019 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3079,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3077"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3077"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3077\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3085,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3077\/revisions\/3085"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3079"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3077"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3077"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3077"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}