{"id":2523,"date":"2025-05-04T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-05-04T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/?p=2523"},"modified":"2025-05-07T21:35:38","modified_gmt":"2025-05-07T21:35:38","slug":"a-friends-question-when-i-came-out-as-trans-moved-me-to-tears","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/2025\/05\/04\/a-friends-question-when-i-came-out-as-trans-moved-me-to-tears\/","title":{"rendered":"A friend\u2019s question when I came out as trans moved me to tears"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n\t\t\"Pride\t<\/div>
There wasn\u2019t one specific day where I realised I was trans (Picture: Ashleigh Talbot \/ MS Society)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Coming out as transgender has been a lot like coming out with having multiple sclerosis<\/a> (MS).<\/p>\n

They happened at different stages of my life but have some key similarities: NHS waiting times for treatment<\/a>, adjusting to a new reality, and even people thinking it was a death sentence!<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been a long road to get to where I am today.<\/p>\n

There wasn\u2019t one specific day where I realised I was trans. It was like an hourglass, the grains building up over time. <\/p>\n

I do have a memory from 1992 of seeing a trailer for a BBC documentary series called A Change of Sex <\/a>about a woman called Julia Grant; at seven years old, I remember thinking, \u2018I\u2019m not the only one!\u2019 I went to bed feeling a lot less alone.<\/p>\n

In my teens and early adulthood, I talked to close friends about wanting to transition but feared I\u2019d be disowned or rejected by family and friends.<\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\"Pride\t<\/div>
Whenever I thought about the future, I was a woman (Picture: Ashleigh Talbot)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

As I got older, I\u2019d take a change of clothes with me on nights out and do my makeup in nightclub bathrooms. Then, at university, I made some really supportive friends and outings to gay clubs and fetish nights<\/a> followed.<\/p>\n

I started to think more seriously about transitioning when I moved to Manchester in my mid-twenties. I was in a metal band but I\u2019d already changed my name and talked about wanting to transition often enough that it didn\u2019t surprise my bandmates. <\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\t\tJoin Metro's LGBTQ+ community on WhatsApp\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
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With thousands of members from all over the world, our vibrant LGBTQ+ WhatsApp channel<\/a> is a hub for all the latest news and important issues that face the LGBTQ+ community.<\/p>\n

Simply\u00a0click on this link<\/a><\/strong>, select \u2018Join Chat\u2019 and you\u2019re in! Don’t forget to turn on notifications!<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

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\n\t\t\t\tFind out more about Multiple Sclerosis (MS)\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
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I dismissed my MS symptoms thinking I was just a tired new mum
<\/a>
I was diagnosed with MS and was told it was karma<\/a><\/p>\n

Olympic star ‘broke down’ over wife’s MS diagnosis<\/a><\/p>\n

Drag race star diagnosed with multiple sclerosis <\/a><\/p>\n

Jack Osbourne ‘robbed’ after MS diagnosis <\/a><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Whenever I thought about the future, I was a woman. Every time I caught sight of myself, my appearance made me sad. I could barely stand to look at myself.<\/p>\n

When an old friend asked me if transitioning would help<\/a> me find the peace he could see I\u2019d never had, it moved me to tears and I quietly nodded \u2018yes\u2019.<\/p>\n

It took a bit of time for all of my friends and family to come around. There were some negative reactions: Some people acted like I was dying, even though I\u2019d never felt more alive. <\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\"Pride\t<\/div>
I was in a metal band but\u00a0I\u2019d already changed my name (Picture: Ashleigh Talbot)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

There were also thoughtful and considered responses, too, like those from female friends who congratulated me and asked if I\u2019d like some of their old clothes<\/a>. Another friend told me that he was aware I would be more vulnerable and if I ever needed any support, he\u2019d be there. I loved him for that.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, I had to wait two years before I was seen at a gender clinic, and it wasn\u2019t easy. I got verbal abuse and glass bottles, rocks and bricks thrown at me from passing cars several times. Twice, I had to run for my life away from gangs of angry lads<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But my transition has been beautiful in many ways: My body has changed, which has been a joy. My skin is much softer and I\u2019d swear my sense of smell has improved.<\/p>\n

And back at the start of it, I couldn\u2019t have predicted what my next journey would be. <\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\"Pride\t<\/div>
My transition has been beautiful in many ways (Picture: Ashleigh Talbot)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

In my mid 30s, I started to notice a slight propensity to pee more, then a strange little tingle in my left leg.<\/p>\n

I went to the doctors a few times but was passed around. I had scans on my legs, was checked for different infectious diseases, hernias and musculoskeletal disorders, and eventually my case was passed to the neurology service. <\/p>\n

When I finally got a diagnosis of MS<\/a> (a neurological condition affecting the brain and spinal cord) in 2022 aged 37, it was almost a relief. I felt validated.<\/p>\n

MS isn\u2019t curable, but it is treatable \u2013 in my case with a disease modifying therapy called ocrelizumab. And because I\u2019d already gone through such a big change in my life 10 years before, I knew what to expect.<\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\"Pride\t<\/div>
Being disabled and trans has brought so many positives to my life (Picture: Ashleigh Talbot)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I have a type called primary progressive (PPMS), which means my symptoms get worse over time. It has severely impacted my ability to walk and I\u2019m now a full-time wheelchair user, but I\u2019m still able to take a few steps and transfer in and out of my chair.<\/p>\n

To an extent, it\u2019s made it more difficult to participate in the LGBTQ+ community, as a lot of it revolves around drinking<\/a>, which I now can\u2019t do. Even if I wanted to go to bars and not drink, they\u2019re often not wheelchair accessible.<\/p>\n

But being disabled and trans has brought so many positives to my life. It has deepened my relationships \u2013 I\u2019ve learned more about empathy and solidarity than I ever thought I would and my nearest and dearest demonstrate them to me every day. <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve always loved to cook but I can\u2019t stay on my feet while kneading, frying or chopping so one of my partners will do that while I keep an eye on the hob and the recipe. <\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\"Pride\t<\/div>
I think about intersectionality a lot (Picture: Ashleigh Talbot)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
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\n\t\t\t\tA life of the progressive side\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
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Listen to Ashleigh\u2019s podcast series about living with MS, \u2018A life of the progressive side\u2019, here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

My other partner gives me daily knee and ankle massages as these are my most affected areas. It helps to prevent leg spasms that would otherwise keep me awake.<\/p>\n

I think about intersectionality a lot. <\/p>\n

A trans person in a wheelchair may have a very different experience of interacting with the NHS or the police if they have darker skin, for example. I host a podcast called What the Trans, which calls out misinformation in the media and offers people empowering tools to take action.<\/p>\n

I also recently hosted a podcast series for the MS Society about living with PPMS. It was validating to hear stories of people with PPMS as we only make up 10-15% of everyone with the condition. Again I thought, \u2018Thank god for that, I\u2019m not the only one\u2019.<\/p>\n

It was also interesting to hear how vastly different MS can be for everyone; I talked to people whose symptoms were radically different from mine, like someone whose MS began in their vision, rather than in their legs. <\/p>\n

In the podcast, you can also hear a conversation between me and Dr Cora Sargeant who is also trans, and has MS and a podcast! What are the chances?<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know exactly how the rest of my life will look but I remind myself that the one constant in the universe is change.<\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\t\tPride and Joy\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
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Pride and Joy is a series spotlighting the first-person positive, affirming and joyful stories of transgender, non-binary, gender fluid and gender non-conforming people. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing James.Besanvalle@metro.co.uk<\/a><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There wasn\u2019t one specific day where I realised I was trans (Picture: Ashleigh Talbot \/ MS Society) Coming out as transgender has been a lot like coming out with having multiple sclerosis (MS). They happened at different stages of my life but have some key similarities: NHS waiting times for treatment, adjusting to a new reality, and even people thinking […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2525,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2523"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2523"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2523\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2532,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2523\/revisions\/2532"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2525"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2523"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2523"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2523"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}