{"id":12288,"date":"2026-02-11T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-11T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/?p=12288"},"modified":"2026-02-11T21:33:32","modified_gmt":"2026-02-11T21:33:32","slug":"the-sign-that-made-me-realise-at-21-that-i-had-to-put-mum-into-a-care-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/2026\/02\/11\/the-sign-that-made-me-realise-at-21-that-i-had-to-put-mum-into-a-care-home\/","title":{"rendered":"The sign that made me realise at 21 that I had to put mum into a care home"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n\t\t\"Jenny's\t<\/div>
Jenny’s mum was told the first signs of her dementia were ‘menopausal brain fog’ (Picture: Supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It was the shoes in the salad that indicated something was going seriously wrong for Laura Starkie. <\/p>\n

The mum of two in her 50s had been struggling with her memory, so she saw her GP who told her she was suffering from menopausal brain fog<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u2018She\u2019d go to make a cup of tea or coffee and she\u2019d pour the water in the canister with the tea bags, rather than in the cup,\u2019 says her daughter, Jenny Molloy. \u2018I didn\u2019t think anything of it at the time \u2013 I\u2019ve put orange juice on my cereal before. But that was a clear sign that something wasn\u2019t right<\/a>.\u2019<\/p>\n

There were other clues<\/a>, including a block of cheese with a whole bite taken out, and half-eaten yoghurts in the fridge, all out of character for Jenny\u2019s usually meticulously organised mum.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"I\t<\/div>
Jenny and her mum had a very close relationship (Picture: Supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Good at maths, Laura, from Heywood in Lancashire<\/a>, had worked at the Post Office, then took a checkout job at Asda.<\/p>\n

\u2018Tilling up at the end of the day, always had to be spot-on, and it always was. But when Asda noticed errors, they moved her into the clothes section,\u2019 says Jenny, 34. \u2018They were really good with her, but when she started putting the shoes in the fruit and veg section, they got occupational health<\/a> involved and my dad said we needed a second opinion from the doctors.\u2019<\/p>\n

After a brain scan and being seen at a memory clinic, Laura was diagnosed at 54 with early onset Alzheimer\u2019s disease<\/a>, the most common form of dementia in under-65s<\/a>. Jenny was 17 at the time and her sister, Barbara, was 14.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"\"\t<\/div>
Jenny’s younger sister Barbara , left, was just 14 when Laura was diagnosed (Picture: Supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u2018My dad sat me down and told me and we both had a cry,\u2019 says Jenny, now a business consultant in Rawtenstall, Lancashire.<\/p>\n

\u2018It was bizarre, because I was studying psychology at college and we were doing a unit on dementia<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u2018My tutor told the class it\u2019d be quite sensitive, so if we had grandparents suffering from this, we were OK to\u2028step out of the room. I sat there and thought, \u201cThis is happening to my mum. It isn\u2019t right\u201d.\u2019<\/p>\n

Initially Laura refused to accept the diagnosis. The family contacted the Alzheimer\u2019s Society, which sent a representative to see how the family could be supported at home. But Laura would get up and leave the room at the mere mention of the word \u2018dementia\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u2018Mum was angry it was happening to her,\u2019 says Jenny. \u2018She was a few years in by that point and her personality was starting to change. When it came up in conversation, she\u2019d shoot it down right away and would refuse to speak to this poor lady who had come to help her.\u2019<\/p>\n

\n

\n\t\t\t\tHow to sign up to our 2026 Metro Lifeline challenge\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
\n

This year Metro.co.uk is proudly supporting Alzheimer’s Society<\/a> for our 2026 Lifeline campaign.<\/p>\n

On Saturday 13 June 2026<\/strong>, we\u2019re inviting our readers to take on an incredible challenge: an epic hike through the stunning Cotswolds countryside \u2014 all to help support people living with dementia.<\/p>\n

Choose your distance: 25km, 50km or 100km.<\/em><\/p>\n

With registration starting at just \u00a315<\/strong>, and fundraising targets of \u00a3150 (25km)<\/strong>, \u00a3225 (50km)<\/strong> or \u00a3330 (100km)<\/strong>, you can push yourself as far as you want \u2014 while helping fund vital support and research.<\/p>\n

Whether you sign up solo or take on the challenge with friends, you\u2019ll be part of Team Lifeline<\/strong>, with plenty of guidance, encouragement and support along the way. Every mile you walk and every pound you raise will help make a real difference for people facing the daily realities of dementia.<\/p>\n

For our ‘everything you need to know’ guide, click here<\/a> – or if you’re already raring to sign up, click here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"\"\t<\/div>
Laura was in denial about her diagnosis (Picture: Supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Laura had to quit her job and there was a gradual reversal in the mother-daughter role as Jenny and Barbara started to take care of her. When Jenny was 21, their dad left. Afterwards, Laura\u2019s condition quickly deteriorated.<\/p>\n

Jenny had planned on going to university but felt she couldn\u2019t leave Barbara and her mum. She enrolled on a full-time apprenticeship instead, while her sister took her GCSEs and A-levels.<\/p>\n

Laura\u2019s brother Ronnie and sister-in-law Cath, and sister Rosa, visited regularly, helping as much as they could, while the daughters took on all the household responsibilities, sorting out the mortgage payments using their mum\u2019s pensions and benefits, and making sure she wasn\u2019t left at home alone for long periods. <\/p>\n

Meanwhile, Laura\u2019s personality changed further.<\/p>\n

\u2018She would get aggressive. Not physically, but nasty to my sister if she was asking her to get dressed or brush her teeth. She\u2019d swear at her, which was tough as I had never seen my mum like that before. She\u2019d always been a loving and friendly person,\u2019 says Jenny.<\/p>\n

\u2018At other times she\u2019d seem quite content. She had this stuffed Percy Pig toy from M&S and she liked to fiddle with it. But then when she learned to let herself out of the house, things got difficult. Like a child, you couldn\u2019t take your eyes off her for a second.\u2019<\/p>\n

Laura would disappear up the street, or wake the whole house in the middle of the night, thinking it was daytime. When she became doubly incontinent, Jenny knew she and her sister could no longer cope alone.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"\"\t<\/div>
The whole family made special memories at Jenny’s wedding (Pictures; Supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Aged 58, Laura went into residential care and the family home was sold. The sisters were just 21 and 17.<\/p>\n

Jenny moved in with her boyfriend, who is now her husband, while Barbara moved in with her aunt and uncle.<\/p>\n

The care Laura received was \u2018amazing\u2019, Jenny says. \u2018I can\u2019t thank them enough, because they were so fantastic with her from day one and they looked after her so well.<\/p>\n

\u2018But leaving my mum on her own that first day was just horrendous. I couldn\u2019t believe I was doing it. I felt so guilty. It was the worst feeling in the world.\u2019 <\/p>\n

Jenny and Barbara would visit their mum after work and college. Over the years, Laura lost the ability to talk and became bedridden.<\/p>\n

\u2018The last stages of Alzheimer\u2019s and dementia are something I wouldn\u2019t wish on anybody,\u2019 says Jenny.<\/p>\n

\u2018It was heartbreaking because she couldn\u2019t get up and wander about like she used to. And then it progressed. She used to shut her eyes all the time. She couldn\u2019t talk, but she would make small noises. She could smile, and laugh, but you couldn\u2019t hear her voice.\u2019<\/p>\n

Laura began struggling to swallow and was in and out of hospital with infections. After two hellish years of hospital trips and recovery, one night in February 2023, after Laura, then 65, had seemingly recovered in hospital from another illness, Jenny got a call to say she\u2019d passed away. <\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"I\t<\/div>
Laura passed away at the age of 65 after 11 years battling with dementia (Picture: Supplied)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Alzheimer\u2019s didn\u2019t just take Jenny\u2019s mum. It also took the years when Jenny and Barbara should have been carefree but instead were worrying about carers, mortgage payments and taking responsibility for a mother who was slowly being stolen away.<\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019d give anything to have my mum now that I have my own children,\u2019 says Jenny. \u2018Mum came to my wedding but she was already ill. She never saw my sister get married, or have her daughter. Barbara is pregnant again and that\u2019s the time you really want to share with your mum.\u2019<\/p>\n

The sisters now take part in regular walks to raise money and support for Alzheimer\u2019s Society, through which they met other young carers. <\/p>\n

\n

\n\t\t\t\tMore on dementia and Alzheimer's\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
\n

A world where dementia no longer devastates lives is \u2018finally within reach\u2019<\/a><\/p>\n

I shared my nan\u2019s dementia journey on TikTok to help people \u2013 then trolls deepfaked her<\/a><\/p>\n

Britain\u2019s hidden crisis: The toll of sandwich carers<\/a><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

\u2018With mum, we just tried to enjoy the nice moments as much as we could,\u2019 says Jenny.<\/p>\n

\u2018We were so stressed and upset a lot of the time, but there were so many conversations and moments of laughter that we really held on to. We would sit and watch The X Factor on Saturday nights and mum\u2019s legs would be jigging about to the music.<\/p>\n

\u2018It\u2019s those little things you have to hold on to, remember and look back on. Those glimmers of joy.\u2019 <\/p>\n

For dementia support and information visit Alzheimer’s Society here<\/a>.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/p>\n


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