{"id":1095,"date":"2025-03-22T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-03-22T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/?p=1095"},"modified":"2025-03-26T21:34:30","modified_gmt":"2025-03-26T21:34:30","slug":"my-date-told-me-off-after-i-was-unwell-in-his-bed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/2025\/03\/22\/my-date-told-me-off-after-i-was-unwell-in-his-bed\/","title":{"rendered":"My date told me off after I was unwell in his bed"},"content":{"rendered":"
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We kissed on the train and within the hour, we were in his bed (Picture: Getty)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When I discovered that Ollie* from work was interested in me, I couldn’t believe my luck. <\/p>\n

I had always thought he was out of my league \u2013 he was privately educated, athletic with a talent for \u2018posh boy\u2019 sports, and had a reassuring air of self-confidence about him that, at the time, I was severely lacking myself.<\/p>\n

We chatted and flirted in the office<\/a>, and he was always generous with his compliments. When he asked me out on a date, I said yes immediately.<\/p>\n

It was late August and we arranged to go to an open-air proms event. Armed with an M&S<\/a> picnic and some fruit cider, we rolled out the picnic<\/a> rug to enjoy the last of the warm summer<\/a> evenings. Conversation flowed and I felt chilled and content.<\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\"couple\t<\/div>
It was late August and we arranged to go to an open-air proms event (Picture: Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When the show was over, I had two choices: the first was an hour\u2019s train journey home. At the time, I was being investigated for suspected epilepsy after having<\/a> a couple of seizures in my sleep, meaning I\u2019d had to give up my driving licence for a while. <\/p>\n

The second option was 20 minutes in the other direction to Ollie\u2019s. <\/p>\n

As I had spent the last couple of hours mentally undressing him, as far as I was concerned, we couldn\u2019t get back to his fast enough.<\/p>\n

We kissed on the train and within the hour, we were in his bed.<\/p>\n

\n

\n\t\t\t\tSign up to The Hook-Up, Metro's sex and dating newsletter\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
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Love reading juicy stories like this? Need some tips for how to spice things up in the bedroom? <\/p>\n

Sign up to The Hook-Up<\/a> and we’ll slide into your inbox every week with all the latest sex and dating stories from Metro. We can’t wait for you to join us!<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

The sex was\u2026 functional, at best. Looking back, I think it was probably the first time it crossed my mind that Ollie\u2019s overwhelming self-confidence may have been somewhat misplaced.<\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\"Unrecognizable\t<\/div>
I woke up at around 1am feeling exceptionally groggy (Picture: Getty Images\/PhotoAlto)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I think I hid my disappointment well, as Ollie just rolled over and went to sleep.<\/p>\n

I decided not to let mediocre sex<\/a> ruin things, though. Despite this hiccup, we\u2019d still had a pleasant evening, so I chalked it up to the drink, even though we really hadn\u2019t had that much between us.<\/p>\n

I woke up at around 1am feeling exceptionally groggy. It took a few minutes to piece together where I was, as if my brain was slowly rebooting.<\/p>\n

I felt some strange aches in my stomach muscles and other parts of my body that I couldn\u2019t account for (it certainly wasn\u2019t from any sexual gymnastics).<\/p>\n

The bedside light was on, but Ollie was nowhere to be seen. I assumed he was in the en suite bathroom and decided to wait for him to come back.<\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\t\tFor Sarah\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
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\n\t\t\"\"\t<\/div>
Sarah Whiteley was a Metro columnist and much-loved member of the team (Picture: Sarah Whiteley)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>\n

Last year, on March 10, we lost our beloved colleague Sarah Whiteley. Sarah was a fantastic journalist; she was Metro<\/strong>\u2019s parenting columnist and a valued member of our first-person and opinion desk.<\/p>\n

Sarah died aged 39 from SUDEP – sudden unexpected death in epilepsy. It is thought that every year around 1,000 people die from causes related to epilepsy.<\/p>\n

With support from Sarah\u2019s family, Metro<\/strong> is fundraising for two very important charities: SUDEP Action<\/a> and Epilepsy Action<\/a>.<\/p>\n

From March 10 to March 26, which marks Purple Day (epilepsy awareness day), we will be running a series of features and first-person pieces, raising awareness of epilepsy and SUDEP.<\/p>\n

Sarah was so incredible at helping other people share their experiences; she was a born storyteller and we hope to do her proud with this series, while raising money in her memory.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

The minutes ticked by and the confusion gave way to worry that Ollie wasn\u2019t feeling well, and I was just about to knock on the door when he came out, pale and shaken.<\/p>\n

I asked if he was OK, only to be told off for scaring him. At first, I couldn\u2019t understand what he was saying \u2013 then it hit me.<\/p>\n

I had suffered a seizure in my sleep<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And, rather than call an ambulance, get help from one of his housemates or even bother to check if I was still breathing once it was over, Ollie had locked himself in the bathroom. <\/p>\n

I get that a seizure can look scary if you haven\u2019t witnessed one before, and that it can be a rude awakening in the middle of the night. But a cursory check that your date is OK isn\u2019t too much to ask, is it? Ollie obviously thought so. <\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\"Man\t<\/div>
I was just about to knock on the door when he came out, pale and shaken (Picture: Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

We hadn’t discussed my seizures at length before our date but he did know about them before he asked me out. <\/p>\n

Now, he proceeded to gaslight me<\/a>, berating me for convulsing, for vocalising and calling out (pretty common in tonic-clonic seizures) and for scaring him so much that he felt he had no other option than to hide in the bathroom until it was all over.<\/p>\n

I felt so mortified at the time that it didn’t occur to me that I should be angry about what had just happened. In fact, like a fool, I apologised to him for scaring him. <\/p>\n

We went back to bed, but I couldn\u2019t sleep. I couldn\u2019t leave either \u2013 I had no car, no money for a taxi and the last train had already gone.<\/p>\n

The next morning, Ollie acted as if nothing had happened, and I continued to blame myself. <\/p>\n

Unsurprisingly, things fizzled out shortly after two more unremarkable dates, although we remained civil at work.<\/p>\n

I didn’t realise at the time, but the episode with Ollie really impacted the relationships that I would have over the following months and years.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"Low\t<\/div>
It’s probably one of my biggest regrets that I allowed someone to use my disability against me (Picture: Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When men asked me out, I would self-sabotage so the dates wouldn’t progress any further. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing a bed with anyone while my epilepsy was<\/a> uncontrolled.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t sleep with anyone for 18 months following the incident with Ollie. It took a long time for me to learn to trust a man again.<\/p>\n

Fast forward a few years, and I am happily married to only the second man in my life who has seen me have a seizure. On the rare occasions I have them, my husband always makes sure I am safe and stays with me until I regain consciousness.<\/p>\n

He has never once guilt-tripped me or made me feel like I was the problem.<\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\t\tWhat to do if someone has a seizure\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
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If you suspect someone may be having a tonic-clonic or a tonic seizure<\/a>, Epilepsy Action recommends following \u2018CARE\u2019:<\/p>\n

C<\/strong> \u2013 Comfort. Cushion their head with something soft to protect them from injury and keep them comfortable
A<\/strong> \u2013 Action. Time the seizure, and clear anything that could be harmful out of the way. Check if the person has a medical ID or bracelet with more information.
R <\/strong>\u2013 Reassure. When the seizure has stopped, place them in the recovery position, offer reassurance and stay with them as they come round.
E<\/strong> \u2013 Emergency. Call 999 if the seizure continues for over five minutes, the person is badly injured, another seizure starts immediately, the person has trouble breathing after the seizure or has never had one before.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

I never got an apology from Ollie \u2013 but then there isn\u2019t really an acceptable apology for abandoning someone at their most vulnerable moment. And I never gave him the bollocking he deserved for leaving me unconscious in his bed.<\/p>\n

It’s probably one of my biggest regrets that I allowed someone to use my disability against me in that way and never called him out on it.<\/p>\n

But then I remember: I was not, and never have been, the problem. That\u2019s all on him. <\/p>\n

If your date ever has a seizure in your bed, stay calm, cushion their head and once it\u2019s over, gently roll them onto their side into the recovery position. Stay with them until they recover.<\/p>\n

And for the avoidance of doubt, on no account lock yourself in the nearest bathroom, hallway or cupboard. <\/p>\n

*Name has been changed<\/em><\/p>\n

This article was originally published December 14, 2024<\/em><\/p>\n

Do you have a story you\u2019d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk<\/a>.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Share your views in the comments below.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We kissed on the train and within the hour, we were in his bed (Picture: Getty) When I discovered that Ollie* from work was interested in me, I couldn’t believe my luck.  I had always thought he was out of my league \u2013 he was privately educated, athletic with a talent for \u2018posh boy\u2019 sports, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1097,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1095"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1095"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1095\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1103,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1095\/revisions\/1103"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1097"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1095"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1095"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1095"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}