{"id":10685,"date":"2026-01-04T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-01-04T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/?p=10685"},"modified":"2026-01-07T21:33:56","modified_gmt":"2026-01-07T21:33:56","slug":"i-live-with-hiv-people-still-ask-if-im-clean","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/2026\/01\/04\/i-live-with-hiv-people-still-ask-if-im-clean\/","title":{"rendered":"I live with HIV \u2013 people still ask if I\u2019m \u2018clean\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n\t\t\"Dan\t<\/div>
After 20 years of living with HIV, I wish I could say I was shocked by his question (Picture: Darren Black)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u2018Can I get HIV<\/a> if we share this sandwich?\u2019<\/p>\n

The question arrived without warning \u2013 no drumroll, no build-up, just slipped across the table between bites. <\/p>\n

A guy I\u2019d known for years muttered it over lunch, eyes glued to the tabletop, suddenly sheepish, as if the sandwich might leap up and infect him on its own.<\/p>\n

I nearly choked on my crisp.<\/p>\n

\u2018No, you can\u2019t\u2019, I replied with the careful calm of someone who has explained this before, and will, apparently, explain it again.<\/p>\n

After 20 years of living with HIV, I wish I could say I was shocked by his question. But I\u2019m not. <\/p>\n

Shock requires novelty.<\/p>\n

These moments are rare but continue to happen, because some people still carry Stone Age ideas about transmission.<\/p>\n

They have no awareness about PrEP, which is a daily pill or occasional medication taken before<\/em> you\u2019re exposed to HIV, or PEP \u2013 a 30-day course of medication you take after<\/em> a potential exposure to HIV. <\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\t\tJoin Metro's LGBTQ+ community on WhatsApp\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
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With thousands of members from all over the world, our vibrant LGBTQ+ WhatsApp channel<\/a> is a hub for all the latest news and important issues that face the LGBTQ+ community.<\/p>\n

Simply\u00a0click on this link<\/a><\/strong>, select \u2018Join Chat\u2019 and you\u2019re in! Don’t forget to turn on notifications!<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

In other words: science has moved on but some people haven\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Nor do they seem to know that being Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U), as I am, means that the virus cannot be passed on<\/a>. There is zero risk.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s why, over the years, I\u2019ve had people ask if I\u2019m \u2018clean\u2019 \u2013 as if HIV were dirt, not biology. <\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"Dan\t<\/div>
The moment I was diagnosed in my early 20s, I panicked (Picture: Dan Glass)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

They focus on what I\u2019m doing about it \u2013 like whether I\u2019m on treatment, how I got HIV, or what my viral load is \u2013 but rarely do they pause to consider what they might do differently, such as take the time to learn about HIV.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s part ridiculous, part sad and exhausting. But it also shows why my story matters and just how much work remains.<\/p>\n

I was born in 1983, the year HIV was first recognised as a public health<\/a> crisis rather than \u2018the gay plague\u2019. <\/p>\n

But growing up under Thatcher\u2019s Britain \u2013 with Section 28 silencing queer education \u2013 meant my references came from the bleak Don\u2019t Die of Ignorance tombstone adverts and EastEnders, where Mark Fowler sped off on his motorbike after seeing \u2018AIDS Scum\u2019 graffiti.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why the moment I was diagnosed in my early 20s, I panicked.<\/p>\n

After being told I was HIV positive by the doctor<\/a>, the alien<\/a> phrases \u2013 \u2018CD4 count\u2019, \u2018viral load\u2019 \u2013 quickly followed. But all I remember thinking, and then asking was: \u2018What does this mean for my sex life? What kind of positions are safest? Can I still do blow-jobs?\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018There\u2019s a lot more to it than blow jobs, Dan,\u2019 the doctor smiled. How right he was.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"Dan\t<\/div>
For years after I bottled it up, tried to ignore it and even refused to start my HIV medication (Picture: @mvpicsss)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

A week later, I told the man I\u2019d been with \u2013 a one-night stand I\u2019d met on a dancefloor \u2013 that he should get checked. He vanished with no reply. <\/p>\n

It was my first lesson in how silence can land harder than words.<\/p>\n

For years after I bottled it up<\/a>, tried to ignore it and even refused to start my HIV medication because I was terrified of the potential side-effects of the medication, such as night terrors, nightmares and pigment loss.<\/p>\n

But really, I think I feared what the medication represented \u2013 the reality that I could no longer pretend it wasn\u2019t happening.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when my doctor gave me one last weekend to myself before he would support me through a more rigorous and integrated HIV medication plan.<\/p>\n

The next day, I collapsed in the shower. My viral load was sky-high, my CD4 count dangerously low. Technically, I had AIDS.<\/p>\n

That was the wake-up call.<\/p>\n

\n
\n\t\t\"Dan\t<\/div>
Silence can land harder than words (Picture: Cathy McCormack)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Having decided to face my fear head-on, my best friend threw a party where we all painted our feet white as a potential farewell to my pigment, danced, screamed to loud music and laughed in defiance.<\/p>\n

That was 15 years ago. <\/p>\n

Today I\u2019m undetectable, which means I can\u2019t pass HIV on. I\u2019ve had brilliant lovers; I have an HIV- child, a chosen family of activists and have had the privilege of speaking at Pride<\/a> with ACT UP London, demanding healthcare for all who need treatment and global access to PrEP.<\/p>\n

But that doesn\u2019t mean I don\u2019t continue to face discrimination<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Aside from the sandwich guy, I\u2019ve had a myriad of conversations that were silly, rude and sometimes unintentionally funny.<\/p>\n

One time, someone I once worked with whispered: \u2018If we share a toilet will I get HIV?\u2019<\/p>\n

Then there was a man last year who offered to buy me a pint, because he didn\u2019t \u2018know how long I\u2019d got left\u2019 and it \u2018might be our last.\u2019 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
POLL<\/div>\n
Poll<\/title><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<h3 class=\"metro-poll__title\">Have you ever been asked a shocking question about your health?<\/h3>\n<ul class=\"metro-poll__list\">\n<li data-option=\"option1\" class=\"metro-poll__option\">\n<div class=\"metro-poll__score-bar-wrapper\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"metro-poll__content\">\n<div class=\"metro-poll__text\">Yes \u2013 I hated it<span class=\"metro-poll__check-icon\"><title>Check<\/title><\/span><\/div>\n<div class=\"metro-poll__score\"><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li data-option=\"option2\" class=\"metro-poll__option\">\n<div class=\"metro-poll__score-bar-wrapper\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"metro-poll__content\">\n<div class=\"metro-poll__text\">Yes \u2013 it made me laugh<span class=\"metro-poll__check-icon\"><title>Check<\/title><\/span><\/div>\n<div class=\"metro-poll__score\"><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li data-option=\"option3\" class=\"metro-poll__option\">\n<div class=\"metro-poll__score-bar-wrapper\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"metro-poll__content\">\n<div class=\"metro-poll__text\">No, not yet!<span class=\"metro-poll__check-icon\"><title>Check<\/title><\/span><\/div>\n<div class=\"metro-poll__score\"><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul><\/div>\n<p>I made him buy me a bottle of champagne.<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, I\u2019ve also had brilliant, heart-restoring encounters \u2013 like with the circus performer who laughed when I nervously disclosed my status and said: \u2018I think everyone does by now and of course it\u2019s not an issue\u2019. <\/p>\n<p>My current lover told me before we first slept together: \u2018I\u2019m on PrEP. It’s all good. What do you enjoy? What would make you most comfortable?\u2019. <\/p>\n<p>It was the first time in 16 years someone had asked me that, and it lifted a weight I\u2019d been carrying ever since diagnosis \u2013 the unspoken responsibility to protect everyone else.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"img-container shareable-item wp-caption\">\n<div class=\"img-wrap\">\n\t\t<img width=\"646\" height=\"421\" src=\"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/SEI_279239370-b39b-e1767107158459.jpg\" class=\"article-image wp-image-25931375\" alt=\"Dan Glass and a friend\" loading=\"lazy\" \/>\t<\/div><figcaption>I\u2019ve also had brilliant, heart-restoring encounters (Picture: Dan Glass)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>His words were compassionate and informed by allyship. A total contrast to the man who asked me if he\u2019d \u2018catch another strain of HIV\u2019 if we slept together.<\/p>\n<p>But a few shining moments is not enough. I want to see more education, access to treatment for everyone, more compassion, more truth. <\/p>\n<p>A mentor of mine once said: \u2018You can either internalise prejudice and stigma, or you can confront it and say, \u2018It\u2019s your fear, not mine \u2013 let\u2019s talk about it\u2019, and I\u2019ve never forgotten that.<\/p>\n<p>Stigma isn\u2019t ours to carry. It belongs to a society that hasn\u2019t learned enough.<\/p>\n<p>So let\u2019s teach kids about PrEP and U=U in schools. <a href=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2021\/12\/01\/im-proof-you-can-live-with-hiv-and-have-a-child-without-passing-it-on-15690882\/\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2021\/12\/01\/im-proof-you-can-live-with-hiv-and-have-a-child-without-passing-it-on-15690882\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Let\u2019s talk about HIV<\/a> without whispering and stop asking if people are \u2018clean\u2019.<\/p>\n<p>Above all, we must protect funding to support all our HIV services and our precious NHS, because if that crumbles, HIV will never be a thing of the past.<\/p>\n<p>And if you ever share a sandwich with me, have no fear. The only thing you\u2019ll catch is a bit of my sparkle.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>Do you have a story you\u2019d like to share? Get in touch by emailing <a href=\"mailto:jess.austin@metro.co.uk\">M.Navarrogriffiths@metro.co.uk<\/a>.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>Share your views in the comments below.<\/strong><\/p>\n<section id=\"share-buttons-bottom\" class=\"share-buttons share-buttons-bottom\"><a class=\"metro-button share-bar-comments\" data-vars-position=\"bottom\" href=\"#metro-comments-container\"><br \/>\n\t\t\t<span><title>Comment now<\/title><\/span><br \/>\n\t\t\t<span class=\"share-bar-comments__label\">Comments<\/span><br \/>\n\t\t<\/a><a class=\"metro-button share-bar-preferred-source\" data-vars-position=\"bottom\" href=\"https:\/\/google.com\/preferences\/source?q=https:\/\/metro.co.uk\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t<span><title>Add Metro as a Preferred Source on Google<\/title><\/span><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"share-bar-preferred-source__label\">Add as preferred source<\/span><br \/>\n\t\t\t<\/a><\/section>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After 20 years of living with HIV, I wish I could say I was shocked by his question (Picture: Darren Black) \u2018Can I get HIV if we share this sandwich?\u2019 The question arrived without warning \u2013 no drumroll, no build-up, just slipped across the table between bites. A guy I\u2019d known for years muttered it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10687,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10685"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10685"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10685\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10693,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10685\/revisions\/10693"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10687"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10685"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10685"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/curiousdrive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10685"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}