Coleen Nolan advises a frustrated mum who has a difficult relationship with her mother and brother, and she is now feeling ostracised from the rest of the family

Following a Friday night out with friends, Alex Bowles woke up the next morning with a dull headache. The group had enjoyed a few drinks with their dinner, so it wasn’t completely unexpected.

‘I just thought it was a hangover. It felt like half my head was missing, very airy,’ remembers Alex, who was 23 at the time.

Never one for taking painkillers, she soldiered on despite her pounding head, even when it was accompanied by nausea. 

‘I went shopping but felt so bad I had to sit down,’ Alex tells Metro. ‘I assumed I also felt sick because of a hangover – I didn’t think anything suspicious was going on.’

By Sunday, Alex was still reeling from a bad headache and wasn’t so sure her suffering was down to alcohol. She wondered if she might have picked up a virus instead.

Two days later – on a Tuesday in October 2014 – her headache remained steadfast and she’d started to be sick, too.

As Alex ran to the toilet to be sick for a second time that morning, she saw her family’s cleaner, who knew the family of four well. The cleaner quickly realised Alex’s speech was slurred and she was talking nonsensically. 

‘I wasn’t making any sense,’ the now 34-year-old explains. ‘She knew something was wrong, so she called my mum, who rang the ambulance.’

By the time the paramedics arrived, Alex was lying on the sofa and was quick to tell her to go straight to Queen’s in Essex, as the hospital had the best neurological department.

‘When they said that, my mum knew it was something serious. She was really worried, but very matter-of-fact. She knew I was going to the best place.’

While Alex doesn’t remember much of that day, one of the details she can recall is lying on the floor of A&E in her pyjamas. 

‘Someone told my mum I wasn’t allowed to lie on the floor, and she said I could barely sit up, so unless there was a bed, there wasn’t much else I could do,’ she recalls.

However, no one seemed in a rush to see Alex, except for one doctor. 

‘He thought something bad was going on, as he didn’t think a girl of my age would just be lying on the floor with a headache,’ she explains. ‘He pushed for me to have a CT scan, and they found I had a huge clot and bleed in the left side of my brain.’

Alex was told she’d had a stroke, and it was later suspected by doctors, but never confirmed, that it could have been caused by a combination of simultaneously using a birth control pill, steroids and having just returned from a long-haul flight. 

However, following the diagnosis, doctors said they couldn’t treat the clot and the bleed at the same time, as if they treated one, it would have made the other worse.

‘Doctors hoped the bleed would stop by itself, so they could treat the clot. They told my family they’d give it until Friday, otherwise it would be brain surgery,’ remembers Alex.  

Thankfully, the bleeding stopped, and doctors started her on blood thinners to treat the clot. But the stroke had left Alex unable to read, write or speak properly.

‘I couldn’t understand what people were telling me. It was like my brain shut off completely, but I was completely unaware of it. Physically, I was fine – it was all cognitive,’ she explains.

As she was unable to understand what the doctors were saying,  Alex didn’t feel afraid of the grim prognosis, but her mother never left her side. 

‘I used to walk around the hospital walls with Mum and shout out any random words I could read on posters,’ Alex remembers.

Over two weeks, her writing, reading, and speaking abilities started to return, and eventually she was allowed to go home, where each day, ‘got a little bit easier’. ‘It came back naturally,’ she added.

Alex had previously been working at a horse sanctuary and children’s nursery doing admin, but needed to take a year off.

Once Alex started to understand what had happened, she began feeling frustrated that she couldn’t communicate how she wanted. 

‘I was realising what had changed, and would get upset as I couldn’t get across how my brain was feeling,’ she remembers. ‘It was easier when I couldn’t understand.’

Alex also had to come to terms with parts of who she was changing forever. 

‘Anyone who has had a stroke will understand. My sense of humour went, I don’t understand sarcasm, or when someone is joking. For a long time, I hated being around crowds and too much noise.’

Alex also admits that being completely dependent on family and friends sometimes felt very ‘isolating’.

‘I went from driving and having my own life to being stuck indoors unless someone could pick me up and take me out,’ she explains. 

Ten months after the stroke, Alex started receiving counselling to work through her anger and frustration, as she found it easier talking to someone who didn’t know her, or could tell how she’d changed.

A year after her stroke, Alex could have full conversations and began playing netball again. A decade on, Alex, who will remain on blood thinners for life, works in her family’s tea room.

Although her risk of having another stroke is much lower, Alex says she’d ‘just have to get on with it’ if she did have one.

‘There have been two times I’ve been in the hospital as I’ve had a headache that wouldn’t shift, but I’m checked pretty quickly due to my history,’ she adds.

Alex has also set up a stroke support group to help people like her.

‘I started it to help other people, but it helped me. I was speaking with people who completely understood me, my feelings, and what I had experienced. I realised I wasn’t on my own. We call it the best club to be in that no one wants to be in.

‘I’m very lucky I’m still here,’ says Alex. ‘I don’t think of the stroke as a negative thing, as I appreciate stuff more.

‘I’m feeling positive about my future, and I’m now pregnant, so a lot of change is about to happen again.

‘It’s scary after everything that has happened, but I’m taking each day as it comes.’

Our resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a concerned mum whose son seems to be struggling with his mental health and she doesn’t want life to pass him by

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I was totally oblivious to just how useful it is for a dress to have pockets until my lovely mum very kindly treated me to the Black Gingham Starlight Midi Dress from Nobody’s Child last summer.

It was as flattering and feminine in the flesh as I’d expected — and best of all, by the end of its debut outing to the pub, I’d had an epiphany; dresses with pockets were well and truly the way forward.

And a recent study by Nobody’s Child has revealed that I’m certainly not alone in thinking this way — with three-quarters of the 1000 UK women surveyed saying that they wish that more dresses and skirts had pockets. So, in response, they’ve launched a brand new Dresses with Pockets collection page.

A functional yet stylish feature, pockets take away the need for a bag if you’re travelling light, and keeping valuables like your phone on your person makes them far less likely to end up lost or stolen. Plus, there’s also just something really instinctive about being able to put your hands in your pockets — especially if you’re like me, and never know what to do with your hands when posing for photos.

Ready to find the perfect dress with pockets for you? From effortlessly stylish day dresses, to more formal options that feel perfect for a summer wedding, here are some of our top Nobody’s Child picks.

Green Pinstriped Starlight Midi Dress

The ultimate playful and feminine silhouette, it wouldn’t feel right not to include the iconic Starlight dress. With its low v-neck, short balloon sleeves, and flattering a-line skirt, it’s the perfect summer dress to pair with pumps or trainers. Best of all, it comes in 22 different colours, prints, and patterns — but this pinstripe green option feels spot-on for SS25.

BUY NOW FOR £95

Pink One Shoulder Shirred Midi Dress

Easy to dress up or down, this gorgeous one shoulder dress makes a real statement with its hot pink hue, trendy shirred bodice, and oversized bow detail. The swishy tiered skirt drapes seamlessly, and comes fitted with pockets for maximum practicality.

BUY NOW FOR £79

Green Colorado Midi Dress

Mint green is having a moment — so it’s no surprise that this dress is trending. With its thick bra-friendly straps, square neckline, and relaxed skirt, it’s the ultimate easy-to-wear midi — go casual with pumps or sandals, or dial things up a bit with a few statement accessories.

BUY NOW FOR £69

White Flossie Midi Dress

Everybody needs a staple white midi dress like this one to help see them through summer. It’s made from lightweight textured organic cotton, boasts flattering features like a panelled waist and frilly detailing, and has surprisingly deep pockets for storing daytime essentials like your phone and favourite lip balm. Easy to accessorise, just throw on your trusty denim jacket, and some trainers, sandals, or even suede boots.

BUY NOW FOR £89

Blue Bubble Hem Bandeau Midi Dress

There’s so much to love about this genuinely stunning bandeau dress. With its sky blue abstract print, gorgeous ruched bodice, and on-trend bubble skirt, it feels like the perfect option for a spring or summer wedding. Meanwhile, practical features like hidden pockets and optional spaghetti straps make it the kind of dress that’s as practical as it is pretty.

BUY NOW FOR £160

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As I reach another birthday each year, I always say a silent ‘thank you’. Not just for the blessing of getting older and my health, but because each year I age, my periods have become lighter.

In the past, they’ve stopped me from swimming, taking holidays, even going to events.

So, when I heard that heavy, prolonged periods and severe menstrual pain are linked with lower school attendance and poorer GCSE scores, I was hardly surprised.

The reason? Because for years in my youth I endured heavy periods that made my life hell.

I started my periods early – aged 11. I was the first girl in my class, and in my group of friends. While many of them were still playing with Barbies, I was carrying around a wodge of heavy duty sanitary towels in a bag, hoping I could get to a loo without being seen.

My periods were heavy almost immediately. There was no gentle youthful start for me, but full-on heavy flow.

For the first two days of my cycle, the pain would be so bad that I’d need a hot water bottle, and would bite my pillow in agony.

Sleep-deprived and exhausted, I usually couldn’t face school the next day and would get my mum to phone in sick for me. I’d then spend the day in bed, refilling those same hot water bottles, taking paracetamol and crying. 

I missed out on lessons and then spent the next week trying to catch up.

I think in total I missed up to 15 days of school each year because of my periods but, because I was embarrassed when other girls asked me why I’d been off, I would make up excuses, saying I’d had a cold or a dentist appointment. It seemed lame saying ‘it was my period’, as if I was attention seeking. 

What also didn’t help is that my periods would often start without warning, too.

Once as a teenager, I was outside a cinema (wearing a white skirt for good measure) when my period started randomly.

A girl in the queue discreetly told me and I sat during the rest of the film, jumper wedged under my bottom, dreading getting up again. My skirt was crimson. I was so ashamed, I went home in tears.

Sometimes it would happen after sitting on a bus, my jeans stained. Once it was at a friend’s on the sofa. But school was the worst.

As I got older and school lessons became more important, I’d have no choice but to go in – pain or no pain. 

I’d dose up on paracetamol and wear two maternity-style sanitary towels inside several pairs of pants under my skirt to ensure I didn’t bleed through and embarrass myself in class. And yet I still sometimes suffered embarrassing leaks. 

That constant fear made concentrating an effort: I was far more worried about whether I was leaking to care about fractions. And any time I had to get up in class I was filled with a sense of dread. Had I bled through my uniform? Was there blood on my leg? It was so stressful.  

I hoped it would get easier as I got older – but I was wrong.

After university and when I got my first job, I still had heavy periods. Working as a trainee journalist, my job was desk-bound and whenever I was on, I would dread getting up to the loo in case I had leaked.

I’d wear my two pairs of pants, two sanitary towels – bulky and uncomfortable – but still would leak into my trousers (always black – to hide any staining). It was awful.

I wished for so long that I could just take the first two days of my period off – to stay home where leaking and pain could be dealt with. But this was 1999 – we didn’t discuss periods in the same way we do now.

I carried on like this for years, decades, even – dreading leaks, jumpers tied around my waist, paracetamol at the ready.

I know there’ll be the naysayers who think we should just ‘get on with it’

This continued until I had my first baby, aged 31. Strangely, after my son’s birth, my periods became a lot lighter. Things got better. At last I could wear only one sanitary towel and ditch the second pair of emergency pants.

So, when I heard that 36% of girls who experienced heavy or prolonged menstrual bleeding missed an additional 1.7 days of school every year, my heart went out to them.

I thought back to the younger me, skipping school out of fear and embarrassment, writhing in pain at home when I should have been studying for GCSEs and thought: how much longer are we going to let this continue?

At least in Spain, people like me with heavy periods are being given the chance to not face work feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed, but we must do more in the UK to help support girls and women who face this reality every month.

Even having that first cycle day off would be helpful – you could deal with the heaviest flow day at home not worrying about embarrassing leaks. And post-pandemic we know there are effective ways for kids to continue their education without being physically pleasant in the classroom. It’s time we started implementing it.

I know there’ll be the naysayers who think we should just ‘get on with it’ – but they’ve obviously never suffered through the nightmare of heavy periods.

Get a teenage boy to bleed heavily once a month through his trousers at school or a man through his trousers on his way to work and see how quick a bill for menstrual leave would be passed here.

As Gemma Sharp, associate professor of epidemiology at the University of Exeter, who supervised the research, says though, this is not about women and girls being less capable because of their periods – it’s because society is not set up to support people while they are menstruating.

It’s about time we gave women who experience heavy bleeding some slack both at school and in work.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.

Years ago, only your diary or your actual close friends would know your deepest, darkest thoughts. Now, many people are uploading them daily to a little circle on Instagram: a space treated like a confessional, only without the priest. 

The list of confidents might include a random girl you met on a night out, your distant friend’s ex, or someone you’ve never even spoken to – and yet, they’ve seen you in tears, know your childhood trauma, or the name of your annoying manager. 

The urge to document, or vlog, intimate thoughts and personal breakdowns is an idea explored in Overshare, a play currently showing at London’s Greenwich Theatre. 

Written and performed by Eleanor Hill, Overshare is a monologue-driven play about mental health, internet culture and how social media has turned oversharing into a performance. 

The story is rooted in Eleanor’s own experience. In 2020, during the height of the pandemic, she shared glimpses of a genuine mental health crisis on Instagram while struggling to access support. 

Eleanor’s ‘meltdown’, as she refers to it, inspired a series of monologues which then became a 2023 Edinburgh Fringe show. The extended version, Overshare, brings those experiences to the stage.

The play is set in Eleanor’s messy bedroom at her dad’s house. She grasps her phone throughout the performance, and her front-facing camera projects live footage above the stage, turning the audience into a mirror of her online followers. 

With monologue titles like ‘Dead Mum’ and ‘Problematic Wanks’, the semi-autobiographical play shares insight into Eleanor’s life, touching on everything from low moods, the loss of her mum and domestic abuse. 

‘I turned to Instagram to get out all of my thoughts and feelings’

Eleanor’s urge to share online began during the pandemic. As a recent drama school graduate living at her dad’s house, she tells Metro: ‘I was spending a lot of time in my room, and not being able to go out and see humans.’

Dealing with depression, an abusive relationship, and struggling to gain mental health support, she says: ‘I turned to Instagram to get out all of my thoughts and feelings.’

She describes much of the content she shared as ‘completely raw and unfiltered’. While many were just spectators of Eleanor’s Instagram stories, some appreciated her candour. 

‘I don’t have a massive following,’ she says. ‘But from the people who do follow me, I got quite a good reaction. 

‘They appreciated that someone was being real and honest and saying they were having a terrible time, because everyone else was busy making banana bread and pretending it was the best time.’

Others, however, barely interacted with them. ‘I was sharing a lot of things, and people were watching a lot of things,’ she says. ‘They might have emoji reacted, but they weren’t really reaching out and helping. 

‘When I got a bit better, it honestly made me a little bit sick if I’m honest.’

Eleanor eventually managed to get therapy, and now, she looks back on these stories with mixed feelings.

‘I watch them back and sometimes I think, “Oh god, I feel for her”. But at the same time, I think go on, get it all out there.

‘I was in an abusive relationship and it all just kind of came exploding out and, in a way, I’m glad it did, because if it hadn’t then I don’t know where I’d be right now.’

However, she notes that sharing online can be a ‘double-edged sword’. She says: ‘The oversharing and putting it all out there. I think I got lost in the performance aspect of it.

‘I was almost forgetting to ask myself for consent to share the things I was sharing because I might have been drunk or depressed or upset or angry or whatever, and it all just comes out.

‘Because of the immediacy of social media, you’ve just got your phone in your hand, and you can just put it out there.’

However, ultimately, Eleanor views sharing online as beneficial and as a saviour for her own mental health. 

She says: ‘Sharing in general is always going to be better than not sharing. Personally, I believe that if we don’t share, that’s probably where the danger is.’

Why do we overshare so much online?

One definition of oversharing suggested by a 2012 psychology paper is that it’s an ‘excessive generosity with information about one’s private life or the private life of others’. But what is considered ‘excessive’ is hard to pin down. 

For an influencer, it might be a part of their money-making strategy. For the average person, though, it can be driven by deeper emotional needs. 

Psychologist Reza Shabahang explored this in a 2023 study, which identified many forms of oversharing online, including sadfishing – the act of posting emotional or distressing content online to elicit sympathy. 

The research, which focused on teenagers, found that those who frequently shared emotional content online tend to have higher levels of anxiety and attention-seeking tendencies. They also reported an excessive attachment to social media, with many having an ‘intense urge to post’. 

In his book Oversharing: Presentations of Self in the Internet Age, sociologist Ben Agger claims that in the online world, many reveal ‘more of their inner feelings, opinions and sexuality than they would in person, or even over the phone’. 

This is partly due to the online disinhibition effect, a sense of freedom to express thoughts and behaviours through a screen. 

Research psychologist Dr Emma Palmer-Cooper tells Metro: ‘The perceived anonymity of online platforms can make people more willing to share personal or emotional content, particularly if they believe their identity is concealed.’

What are the dangers of sharing too much?

Dr Emma explains that sharing online can offer a ‘sense of relief or validation’, especially if others empathise with the content. Online platforms can also offer a sense of connection. 

She explains: ‘Many people find community and support online, particularly around shared experiences, niche interests or identities that may be underrepresented in their offline lives.’

However, Dr Emma urges people to consider the long-term consequences before posting intimate details about their lives. 

‘What’s shared online tends to stay online, and unlike private, in-person conversations, online disclosures can be screenshot, reshared or misinterpreted by people far outside the intended audience.’

She also notes that people may be less inclined to intervene when they witness oversharing online, compared to in person. 

She explains: ‘This might be due to uncertainty about how to respond, a feeling that it’s not their place, or simply digital fatigue from frequent exposure to emotionally charged content.’

Overshare is showing at Greenwich Theatre until May 25.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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In case you missed the big news — it’s finally peony season. Lusciously full and layered, these show-stopping ruffled blooms are typically associated with love and romance, and come in charming shades of blush, coral, fuschia, and white.

Often found in old English gardens, peony plants ooze cottagecore charm — and once established, they’re hardy enough to thrive for decades, which only adds to their vintage and elegant feel.

But if you want to enjoy as many bouquets of peonies as possible this year, you’ll need to act quickly — as the UK season typically comes to an end around the start of July. So, that makes June a pretty precious month for lovers of those pretty powderpuff petals.

If you’d like to get your hands on a beautiful bunch of these magical blooms, head to your local florist, farmer’s market, or supermarket. Or – if you’d prefer to have them delivered straight to your door — these are the online delivery services to turn to for a dreamy selection of perfect peonies by post.

Freddie’s Flowers

Famous for their flower subscription services, Freddie’s Flowers offer three different bouquet sizes, and keep sustainability at their core. Best of all, their peony offering is truly sensational this year — with reds, whites, and plenty of pink varieties making appearances in their current selection of seasonal bouquets. They’re all stunning, but Peony Passion is our personal favourite.

BUY FREDDIE’S FLOWERS PEONIES FROM £27.50

Bloom & Wild

For beautiful letterbox blooms that don’t break the bank, Bloom & Wild is one of our favourite delivery services. This year, there are twenty different peony arrangements to choose from — ranging from letterbox bunches and small posies, to style-at-home flowers and hand-tied bouquets. The Theo fits nicely through the letterbox, and boasts coral coloured peonies, pastel pink spray carnations, lilac stocks, and vibrant yellow solidago.

BUY BLOOM & WILD PEONIES FROM £22

Prestige Flowers

Not only are most Prestige Flowers bouquets available in three different sizes, they can also be sent with lovely extras like personalised message cards and free recorded messages — which is ideal if you’re sending your bouquet as a gift. Simple yet effective, Peony Blush is the perfect arrangement for anyone looking for just a basic bunch of bright pink British-grown blooms.

BUY PRESTIGE FLOWERS PEONIES FROM £26.99

FLOWERBX

For statement single-variety bunches of your favourite seasonal blooms, look no further than FLOWERBX. As well as being sustainably grown and cut-to-order, each stunning stem is of the absolute highest quality — all you’ll need to do is plonk them in your favourite vase or jug. This year’s peony collection includes nine different gorgeous varieties — but for an elegant yet understated display, you can’t go wrong with ten stems of Cotton Cloud Peonies.

BUY FLOWERBX PEONIES FROM £45

Arena Flowers

The UK’s most ethical flower company, Arena Flowers plants two trees for every bouquet they deliver, and also only source their flowers from ethical suppliers or Fairtrade-certified farms. In terms of peonies, there are currently seven different arrangements available— with Silk Crush certainly reigning supreme if you like a vibrant mix of colours.

BUY ARENA FLOWERS PEONIES FROM £28

Bloom

As well as their stunning selection of luxurious hand-tied gift bouquets, Bloom delivers freshly cut market flowers — freshly cut on the farm. You select the number of stems, and they’ll wrap them in brown paper, and deliver them straight to your doorstep. There are currently four different peony varieties to pick from — including these delicate dusky pink Sarah Bernhardt Pink Peonies.

BUY BLOOM PEONIES FROM £45

Wild at Heart

Famous for their opulent and creative approach to floral artistry, Wild at Heart is one of the most celebrated British luxury florists. Every beautifully curated bouquet in their dazzling Peony Collection comes in four different sizes, and can be bought in ‘Wilder’ or ‘Serene’ styles. Bursting with vibrant pastel hues, Deliciously Pleasing boasts an eclectic mix of peonies, roses, sweet peas, nigellas, scabious, viburnum, and jasmine.

BUY WILD AT HEART PEONIES FROM £85

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Attention Damson Madder fans: the iconic and notoriously out-of-stock trench we’ve all been trying to get our hands on for months is finally back in stock – and we’re extremely excited.

That’s right, everyone’s favourite Mercedes Bow Reversible Trench is back on the shelves in the brand’s biggest restock to date, and demand has been skyrocketing ahead of the relaunch.

If you’re as big a Damson Madder fan as we are then you’ll know this is a big deal.

Following multiple sell-outs since its launch in December 2024, the Damson Madder Mercedes Trench has gained cult status with 700 pre-orders and 9,735 sign-ups for restocks in the last five months alone.

Damson Madder Mercedes Bow Reversible Trench – Gingham & Ecru

Boasting the most stunning reversible design, this interchangeable Gingham and Ecru jacket sure to become one of the most versatile pieces in your wardrobe, enabling you to change up your look in seconds.

shop £125

Worn by the likes of Sarah Catherine Hook, the coat has gained major traction across socials and continues to be one of Damson Madder’s most iconic, instantly recognisable pieces – and for very good reason.

Boasting the most stunning reversible design, it’s sure to become one of the most versatile pieces in your wardrobe, enabling you to change up your look in seconds.

If you love the classic trench look with possibility of adding gingham accents (such as a turned up sleeve), then you’ll love the Ecru side of this dual-sided jacket.

Slightly more understated than the reverse and featuring exposed tortoiseshell buttons, ‘DM’ logo detailing, a removable and interchangeable neck tab and pleat design, this side is perfect for your slightly more muted looks.

The reverse, however, is loud, proud and utterly gorgeous.

Striking in hearty red gingham, this side is as smart as it is eye-catching, ideal if you love your coat being the focal point of your outfits.

With matching ‘DM’ logo detailing and hidden buttons, this is the side of the jacket we’re most obsessed with.

Both sides are complete with a generous collar, reversible back bow detailing and side welt pockets for a cohesive and comfortable finish every time you throw it on.

The entire jacket has also been crafted from 100% organic cotton for unrivaled quality and softness. What’s not to love?

Run by a small, female-led team from their studio in Camden, Damson Madder takes the slow and responsible route when it comes to creating stunning styles, only making about 100-350 pieces per style.

The Mercedes Bow Reversible Trench, however, has been such a rip-roaring success that the brand has decided to carry out multiple restocks to keep up with demand. And we can’t blame them when it comes to this oh-so versatile piece.

Want one for yourself? Be sure to snap up this iconic jacket now while it’s in stock – trust us, it won’t last for long.

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I’ll never forget the phone call I got on Tuesday July 5, 2011. 

My then 17-year-old son Dylan, a footballer, had been called up to represent Australia at the Under 17’s World Cup in Mexico but he failed a routine drug test.

‘The team doctor said he’s either taken a banned substance or he has a tumour,’ Dylan’s dad explained, and my heart sank.

Dylan was a dedicated footballer; his doctor, coaches, teammates and I all knew he would never have taken anything illegal, so that left only the unimaginable.

Devastatingly, just three years later, Dylan tragically lost his life to testicular cancer – the most common cancer in the UK that affects young men aged 15-49. 

Three months before I received the phone call, Dylan had spent his 17th birthday in Portugal, training with the West Ham United first team.

At that time he was excited for his future career in the game, and you couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. 

Not long after though, he felt a small lump in his testicle.

He didn’t say anything to me or anyone at first as it was painless but within a few weeks that changed so he went to his GP.  

While he could have gone to the doctors at West Ham he said he didn’t want to take them away from, what he considered, more important things – meaning the club’s relegation battle that year. 

This was typical Dylan. Football always came first.

Still, I was glad he was getting it checked and when he was told that it was just a cyst, it was such a relief that I didn’t think for one minute that we needed a second opinion.

Back then I didn’t know anything about testicular cancer. I didn’t know that, if detected early, it has a very high survival rate, or that common symptoms (all of which Dylan experienced) included a pea sized lump, swelling, firmness, heaviness and a dull ache. 

If I had, we would’ve insisted on an ultrasound and Dylan might still be with us today.

Instead, life carried on as normal right up until that drug test alerted doctors to raised HCG markers in his urine.

During the call when I was told about the drug test I reassured Dylan that I’d put everything in place for when he returned home to have it checked out. I then spoke to West Ham club doctor Richard Weiler and brought him up to speed and asked if he could arrange an ultrasound scan as soon as we got him home.

Once that was sorted, I put the phone down and burst into tears.

I was so upset for Dylan – so saddened that I couldn’t be there with him right at that moment, to throw my arms around him and tell him that everything would be OK. And of course I was terrified too. 

As a family, we’d fortunately never had to deal with cancer before, so this was uncharted territory.

Shortly after being diagnosed, Dylan had his testicle removed and a gruelling regime of chemotherapy treatment followed not long after. It was harsh but it meant he was given the best possible chance of beating this disease.

This aligned with Dylan’s belief that he was going to be a cancer patient for a short time but a professional athlete for a long time.

During his years of treatment, Dylan spent a lot of time in hospital, but testament to his character, he was not prepared to lie there and be vulnerable. Rather, he kept himself as busy as possible and would often be seen practising his golf in the room.

One thing he was definitely not a fan of was the hospital food. Luckily, West Ham arranged for him to have a dietitian and have meals brought to him in hospital – the club’s support did not falter at any point in our journey.

However, Dylan’s battle only continued to get harder as, despite the relentless chemo, every 6-8 weeks the cancer would return more aggressively than before, placing more and more pressure on his body.

In the end we made three trips to Germany so he could try alternative treatments. We remained hopeful but by mid-April 2014, his organs started to fail and he eventually slipped into a coma.

On the morning of Good Friday 2014, Dylan took his last breath and passed away aged 20.

It was the saddest day of my life.

As we grieved, West Ham provided us with as much support as possible. They brought Dylan home, firstly from Germany to London, then back to Australia. They also took care of his younger brother, Taylor, a fellow player, on and off the pitch.

Most touchingly of all, just a day after Dylan’s passing we learnt that the West Ham United board intended to retire the number 38 shirt – the number Dylan wore proudly when he played for the Hammers.

That’s an honour only ever bestowed once before, for the great Bobby Moore, so we were truly humbled by the gesture.

As Dylan’s mum, I wanted to do something else in his memory: raise awareness and educate people on the need for early detection of testicular cancer, as well as the importance of insisting on an ultrasound when presenting with issues of the testes.

From there, the DT38 Foundation was founded. It has gone on to reach thousands of young men through its awareness campaigns, educational workshops, and partnerships with sports clubs and organisations, including West Ham United, to encourage self-examinations and promote best practices in medical diagnosis. 

Dylan’s resilience, determination and love are the driving force for all of us and though he was always destined for greatness, his story can be the greatest gift of all.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

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